Activist's Rights

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

Alligators in the Sewer

Before alligators were protected by law, you could buy baby ones in Florida and Georgia for a few dollars as a souvenir. Many were sold without any regard to how difficult a pet an alligator would make. In New York City alone, hundreds of these small 'gators were flushed down toilets or set free to eventually end up in the city's sewer system. The Baby Gators adapted to this environment quickly by feeding on rats and other sewer dwellers. Generations later these alligators became albino and went blind from the lack of light. Also they grew very large with no competition from other predators. Occasionally sewer workers and bums will disappear when the rat supply dwindles.

This one's unbelievably popular. A movie appropriately called "Alligator" was made about it.

Birds & Rice

You shouldn't Throw rice at weddings because when birds eat it it swells in their stomachs and causes hemorrhaging.

A Bug in Her Ear

A young woman was at the beach one day and she thought she felt a bug in her ear, she couldn't find anything, so forgot about it. A few days later she went to see a doctor because of a severe ear ache, he checked her out and decided she must have an earwig- a small bug deep in her inner ear. He said it was too deep to remove, she'd have to wait for it to come out the other side. A few weeks later she found a nasty looking bug on her pillow, put it in a jar and took it to the doctor to see if that was it. He said it was, but the bad news is it was a female and it had laid eggs.

Breath-Sucking Cats

Cats shouldn't be left alone with babies, they'll stick their nose in the baby's nose and suck out its breath.

This is a very old one. Cats will often try to sleep near our faces to enjoy the warmth of our breath, so the cat could suffocate a child by doing so. Most likely this was merely an early explanation for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

The Dead Cat in the Package

Two young girls were driving to the mall one day, and accidentally hit and killed a cat. Not wanting any children to see it, they put it in a bag and took it with them so as to dispose of it properly. In the parking lot at the mall, an old woman grabbed the bag and ran off with it. Amused, the girls followed her to see what would happen. They came around the corner and the woman was on the floor clutching her chest and saying "My God, the bag! The bag!" As the ambulance took her away a helpful bystander put the bag in with her since she was so worried about losing it.

Also told as a urine sample stolen by wino.

Another Dead Cat in a Package

A woman's cat died one day, so she wrapped it in a package and took it with her to dispose of it. She tried to put it in her building's incinerator, but her landlady was there, and pets weren't allowed in the building in the first place. On her way to work she tried to leave it on the bus, but a helpful passenger gave it to her. She tried to leave it in a restaurant, but the waitress chased her down. Even on the subway, there was always a samaritan waiting for a chance to help her out. Finally when she got home she decided to take a last look at kitty, and in it's place was a leg of lamb.

The Feline Bomb

A policeman found a box on the doorstep of the police station, abadoned & no markings on it. Being very security concious, he called in the bomb squad to carry out a controlled explosion & destroy the package. Upon examing the remains they find the bodies of 6 kittens & a note explaining that the owner had left them there after her cat had given birth as she couldn't afford to look after them. -Submitted by Steve Jones

Deadly Toilet Spiders

The South American Blush Spider (arachnius gluteus) has hospitalized at least three people in the Chicago area. These spiders seek out cool damp areas to nest, with the inside rim of a toilet bowl being perfect.

Actually the term "Blush Spider" refers to a small patch of varicose veins

The Deer Departed

A hunter had just bagged a deer and decided since this was the biggest he'd ever seen, let alone shot, he decided it was a Kodak moment. He used the deer's large rack to hold his rifle, set up the timer on his camera and got ready to say "cheese." The camera got several very good photos of the deer getting up and running away with the rifle.

The Deer in the Car

A hunter was returning home empty-handed from a hunting trip when he accidentally hit a deer with his car. He knew it was illegal, but decided to keep the deer anyway, and loaded it in the back of the stationwagon. As he drove down the road the "dead" deer woke up and began thrashing around in the back. The panicked driver grabbed a tire-iron and tried to hit the panicked deer in the head, but missed and hit his dog. The dog then attacked him, he swerved into the ditch and ran. He climbed up a nearby tree to escape the angry dog, and watched as the deer trashed his car.

see Black Sheep

The Dog's Dinner

An elderly couple was visiting Hong Kong and they decided to have an authentic Chinese meal. In the restaurant they couldn't make any sense of the menu, so they tried to get the waiter to decide using hand signals and expressions. They also needed some scraps for their poodle, who went with them everywhere. The waiter finally seemed to get the idea, and took the dog into the back. When he returned with the roasted dog, the couple simultaneously had heart attacks and died.

An Eyeful of Worms

There was a mentally ill woman who didn't clean her home and kept a good many pets insides, mostly cats. The animals would use the bathroom where and when ever they chose to, usually in the bedrooms of her three children. From the animal stools, the woman's oldest son got a worn egg in his eye. The worm hatched and started eating away at his eye, causing serious infections and the eye to sink back into his head. When the doctors looked at his eye, they found that the worm had laid eggs itself. The worm and eggs were removed, but his eye had to be removed and replaced with a glass eye. After that, the children were taken from the home. - Thanks to J Moore for that lovely tale

The Hare Dryer

A young boy ran into his house and told his parents that the dog had killed the neighbor's pet rabbit. Hoping to avoid conflict, the father took the dirty dead rabbit from the dog, gave it a bath and a blow-dry. Then he snuck into the neighbor's yard and carefully placed the bunny back in it's cage. Later that evening, after his neighbors returned home, he saw policemen and police cars next door. Worried, he casually wandered over to see what was going on. A policeman told him: "Some weirdo dug up your neighbors dead bunny, gave it a shampoo and stuck it back in it's cage. Seen any weirdos around?"

The Honey-Child

While visiting a popular state park a man and wife spotted a bear. In order to get the perfect "photo oppurtinity" the parents smeared some honey on the face of their young child in the hopes of coaxing the bear into licking it off. The bear ate it along with the child's face.

Kamikaze Dogs

In World-War II Russians trained dogs by feeding them under tanks. Then they released them into battle with antitank explosives strapped to their backs. Unfortunately for the Russians, the dogs could tell the difference between Russian and German tanks, and ran under the Russian ones.

Licking the Envelope

A woman licked an envelope in a local post office and cut her tongue, after several days the place where she'd been cut began to swell. She started to get nervous and went to see a doctor. The doctor cut open the swelled area and a cockroach climbed out, there had been eggs on the envelope she had licked! -From Margaret

Love Bugs

Love-Bugs were genetically created to mate with mosquitos and produce no offspring, but a male version was also created to keep the species alive. Since they have no natural predators their population is exploding.

The Mexican Pet

A rich old woman was visiting Mexico when a small ugly dog approached her on the sidewalk. She couldn't resist his sad eyes, so she took him back to her hotel and fed and bathed him. For the remainder of the trip the lady and her dog were inseparable. When the time came to return home, she smuggled the small dog over the border so she could keep him. Within a few days he got sick and she immediately rushed him to the vet, but there was nothing that could be done, he died in the office. After she stopped crying, the grief-stricken woman asked the vet what kind of dog he had been. The shocked vet looked at her and said: "Lady, that's no dog, it's a Mexican Sewer Rat!"

The Microwaved Pooch

An old woman had just given her little poodle a bath when she got an idea, she could dry him off in her brand-new microwave oven. It didn't seem to get very hot inside, and she'd only put him in for five minutes or so. He exploded.

see Urban Legend

Not My Dog

A young lady was invited to visit a very rich old lady's house one day for tea. She nervously rang the bell and the butler showed her in. Right away she noticed a large dirty mutt chewing the furniture enthusiastically. As she had her tea and was shown around the house by the old woman, she couldn't believe they let the dog behave the way it did. The dog chewed at the furniture, ripped the curtains and relieved himself on the carpet. The young girl didn't say anything of course, assuming that besides being rich, perhaps the old lady was also eccentric. As the woman walked her to the door she said: "I hope you'll come back again sometime, but next time PLEASE leave your dog at home."

Shooting the Bull

Some guys had heard of a good hunting spot, but needed the permission of the owner of the property. One of them went up to the farmer's house to ask if they could hunt on his land. The farmer agreed and told him that while he was out there, could he shoot the bull in the pasture for him. The hunter agreed. He decided to play a little joke on his friends and when he got in the car he told them the farmer had said no, so they were going to have to teach him a lesson. He pulled up to the field where the cows were, got his rifle and killed the bull, and said "That'll teach him." His friends jumped out of the car laughing, grabbed their guns and shot several cows before the dismayed joker could stop them. As they paid the farmer for all the cows they'd killed, he told them that if they wanted to do some more hunting, he had some pigs out back that were allot cheaper than cows.

Snakes in the Ball-Pit

A young boy was play area of a southern McDonalds, when he came out of the ball-pit he told his mother he'd been hurt there. There were several red marks on the child's legs and arms, assuming it had been some type of insects his mother took him home. By the time they got home, the red marks had swollen and before the mother could do anything the boy died. She found out later he'd been bitten repeatedly by rattlesnakes.

Sometimes it's Burger King and a different kind of snake. Maybe this one is the reason allot of fast-food places are building their play-areas inside now.

The Spider Cactus

A woman visiting Mexico bought a small cactus as a souvenir and smuggled it across the border when she went home. A few days later she was admiring her cactus when she could have sworn it wiggled a little, she dismissed it as a trick of the light until it began to vibrate. Finally she began to worry and called customs to confess her crime and see what she should do about the wiggling plant, in a panicked voice the man on the phone told her to get out of the house immediately. It was too late and by the time the men in protective clothing got there, the cactus had burst open releasing thousands of tiny spiders who made the woman their first meal

The Spider in the Hairdo

Back when all the girls wore beehive hairdos, one girl ratted her hair so high and put so much hairspray in it, that she never washed or took it down and combed it. One day in school blood began to trickle down her forehead. She was rushed to the hospital, but was dead on arrival. At some point a spider had laid eggs in her hair, they had hatched and the baby spiders had began eating her brain.

Sometimes the hairdo is an afro.

The Suicidal Dog

A young man was waiting in the high-rise apartment of his new girlfriend waiting as she finished getting ready for their date and he decided to play with her frisky little dog. He began throwing the ball for the dog and accidentally bounced it out and over the balcony, without a thought the dog followed. The man had no idea what to do or say when his date came out of the bathroom ready to go, she didn't seem to notice the dog's absence. At dinner the man commented "You know, your dog seemed a little depressed this evening."

There's Something About Mary

The Trapper's Dog

A trapper lived high in the mountains with his infant son and his large sled-dog. His wife had died during childbirth, so it was up to the dog to protect the child while the trapper was out. One day the trapper was hours late returning home because of an especially heavy snow and his blood ran cold when he saw the door of his home was ajar. He grabbed his ax and rushed in to see the floor was covered in blood and the baby's crib was empty. He stared in horror as his dog crept from under the bed, his muzzle red with blood. With a cry the trapper raised his ax and buried it in the dog's head. He heard his baby crying and ran to the other side of the bed to find him alive and unharmed. He also found a dead timber-wolf clinching some of his dogs fur in his teeth.

From a Welsh legend circa the middle ages, but the trapper's a King and the dog's name is Gelert - Thanks to Andrew Macham for the info

The Tummy Ache

Two young boys were hiking through the forest one day, and decided to drink out of a small stream they came upon. They were badly frightened by a snake nest by the water, and ran home. A year later one of the boys had to be hospitalized, he was always hungry, but stayed thin and was plagued by stomach cramps. The doctor pumped his stomach and found a full grown snake coiled inside.

Another Tummy Ache

The father of a teenage girl was growing more and more worried that his little girl's stomach seemed to be growing. Over and over she swore she couldn't be pregnant but her father was suspicious because of how much time the girl was at the beach. Finally he took her to the hospital when she started complaining about stomach pain. The doctor confirmed she wasn't pregnant, it appeared to be a tumor or growth of some kind, he said an operation was necessary immediately. Octopus eggs are microscopic, and they assumed the girl must have swallowed some while swimming.

Wall to Wall

A carpet layer had just finished with a wall to wall job when he wanted a smoke, he started looking around for his cigarettes and noticed a lump in the carpet. Frustrated and not wanting to re-do anything he grabbed a hammer and pounded the lump flat. The next day the old lady who'd hired him for the job called and told him he'd forgotten a pack of cigarettes, and asked "By the way, did you happen to see my canary while you were working, he seems to have gotten out of his cage again?"