Bookkeeper in a Brothel

A very rich, self-made business man was being interviewed by a magazine that wished to honor him. He told the reporter that when he'd first came to the city he'd tried to get a job as a bookkeeper in a brothel, but had been kicked out when the Madam realized he couldn't read or write. On the streets he began selling fruit, then later opened a grocery, then a whole string of grocery stores all across the country. At the end of the interview the reporter was shocked to learn the man still couldn't read or write and said "Wow, just imagine what you'd have become if you'd learned to read and write." The business man replied "Well, I expect I'd have been a bookkeeper in a whorehouse."

The Cabbage Patch Tragedy

A woman washed cabbage in the washing machine and damaged it badly. Since they were so difficult to come buy she sent it back to the company hoping it could be repaired. A few weeks later she recieved a death-certificate in the mail, and a bill for the funeral.

The Dishonest Note

A man returned from shopping to find his car had been badly dented, and the culprit was no where in sight. As he got closer he felt relieved when he saw a note had been placed under his windshield-wiper. Laughing at himself for doubting the honesty of the average person, he pulled the note loose and read it, it said :"THE PEOPLE WATCHING ME THINK I'M LEAVING MY NAME AND ADDRESS, BUT I'M NOT."

The Fart in the Car

A woman was very nervous about her first date with a man she'd been attracted to for a long time. When he came to her door, she started to feel gassy and realized the chili she'd had for lunch had been a bad idea. Being a gentlemen, he carefully put her in the car and shut the door for her, as he walked around to his side, she farted loudly and quickly opened the window and began fanning. She was horrified when he got in and pointed to the back seat saying "Have you met Ruth and Bob?"

Old vs Young

An old lady was waiting for a car to pull out of a parking space at a crowded grocery store one day. When the car pulled out another car pulled in front of her, and into the space. The teenager hopped out of the car and said to the old woman, "I'm younger and faster, lady." The old lady sits there for a second, then rams the kid's car. As she backs up and gets ready to drive away she tells the teenager: "I'm older and better insured, kid."

Fried Green Tomatoes

Red Handed

A drunk driver was pulled over by a police officer late one night. As he was trying to walk a straight line, there was a crash from a nearby alley and the policeman told the drunk to wait while he checked it out. After waiting about ten minutes the drunk decided it was silly to wait, and drove home. The next morning the police officer knocked on his door. The driver stuck to the story that he'd been at home all evening and the policeman demanded he open the garage door. The man obliged wondering what the policeman hoped to find. He realized his mistake when he saw the police car in his garage.

The policeman's often so embarrassed by the situation that he doesn't press charges. This story was told in "Good Will Hunting" see the movies page for more info.

Good Will Hunting